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Apparently, Apple — Steve Jobs

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

Apple died with Steve, October 5, 2011

Open letter to Tim Cook:

I was hopeful. I was patient.

I’ve been disappointed. Over and over again.

You were given a 5 year plan by the man. You promptly threw it in the trash because you know better, right? We’re only four years out and it seems like Steve has been gone for a decade. An iPad PRO?!?! That’s just like the Microsoft Surface Pro?

That’s all you got? FOLLOWING? MICROSOFT? I wish Bill Gates was turning over in his grave.

You and your butt-boy Jonny Ives show no intent to let up. You don’t care that you’re destroying everything Steve built. You’re perfectly happy to take hundreds of millions of dollars for yourselves while you destroy the most successful company mankind has ever known. Also destroying the best electronic products man has ever known, just to make Jonny and the homos happy with how pretty it is, HIG be damned!

Riding on coattails doesn’t even begin to describe it. The company WILL crash and burn. The only question is, ‘How soon?’ No concern of yours, natch. You’re changing the world, too. Just like Steve.

Hey Jonny: Flat design in a UI is WRONG! WRONG! You’re WRONG! It’s not only ugly, It’s MUCH HARDER TO USE! User interface isn’t about what makes your nether parts tingle with pretty, you stupid fuck. Your personal arrogance has made my day-to-day life more difficult. But as long as YOU think it’s pretty, that’s alright with you, right? “Fuck all the decades of research about how humans interact with stuff. I’m pretty and what I make is pretty and don’t we all like (my limited, personal definition of what is) pretty? Haterz gonna hate!” (RT, gf. That’s rich!)

You’re pissing on what Steve built.

You’ve taken me from an Apple evangelist, to “maybe they’ll wise up and correct it,” to “Fuck Apple. They’re ignorant and don’t give a shit about good products because they’re rich now and obsessed with special ‘rights’ for homosexuals.”

I don’t think you assholes running Apple now realize that you’re a minority of a minority or that NOBODY buying your products gives a rat’s ass about Jonny’s “design.” He’s not a software guy and it’s obvious to everyone but you, Tim. Bring Scott back. He understood and respected the HIG.

My 70 year old mother was a hard sell in the old days. But then she loved and trusted Apple products for years and spent THOUSANDS of precious dollars on Apple stuff. She recently gave into Apple nagging and “upgraded” her two year old iPad mini to iOS9.

(Note to Apple: iOS9 is worse than iOS8 and no one can function with your crappy OS without buying a new iOS device. Did you already know that? You’re not making friends.)

She’s now emailing me for advice because it’s unusable and implying that she won’t replace it at all. She’s completely disillusioned. Congratulations! You just lost a valuable customer forever. But you don’t care as long as the broke milennials still love you. Those entitled little fucks get their iOS devices replaced by their parents every two years. Fuck the old people with money! Not our target market! They’ll be dead soon!

Besides, it’s pretty, right?!?!

Jonny’s design is awful, ugly and stupid. But far worse than that, it’s made your devices indistinguishable from Microsoft and your other competitors.

Everything is flat, ugly and hard to use. Microsoft Surface, check. Google’s Android, check. Apple’s iOS, check.

Tell me again, Tim, why I should pay a premium for your device when you broke my iPad with iOS8, lied and failed to fix it with iOS9 and I can get an Android tablet running “Marshmallow” for about $69.

You’re losing, Tim. If you wanna just ride the stock market on iTunes store sales, go right ahead. I used to love Apple for superior hardware and evangelize because of superior software. I know Guy Kawasaki. I was an early subscriber to his “Evanglista” email list. I got my first Apple (IIc) in 1984 and my first Mac in 1996 – as soon as I could “afford it” on my sister’s MicroCenter credit card. Yes, I gladly went into debt for a Mac at the height of the “Apple is dying,” Gil Amelio era, in the hey-day of MacOS 7.1!

Now I’m thinking about replacing my iPhone with an Android phone and my iPad with an Android tablet. I’ll pour a little on the ground for my fallen homie, Steve. It’s unfortunately obvious that he’s not coming back to save Apple a second time.

I’ll never forget what he did to build the company, save the company and change the world. Or how quickly you forgot and ruined everything. Completely.

In his own voice

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

Here’s to the crazy ones… because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

I saw genius.

Lock up this menace!

Friday, July 10th, 2009

Not content with becoming the world’s richest man without ever producing anything of value or building what was once one of the world’s largest corporations – that retarded instead of advanced its industry, Bill Gates is bored.

So now he and his equally inept lapdog, Nathan Myhrvold (who needs to buy a vowel), are going to prevent hurricanes.

After the horrific damage these dopes did to desktop computing, do you really want them messing with the oceans and the weather?

I sure don’t.

I’m a hard-core anti-government, anarcho-capitalist, but this seems like something that the government should step in to prevent.

I’ll take Hurricane Katrina over a global BSOD any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Somebody. Please stop this autistic madman before he destroys us all! He needs a padded room with a rocking chair and his trusty Macintosh.

Hey, Mr. Magoo! There’s a whole storm of viruses, trojans and worms hitting us every day all over the internet almost solely because of your products. How ’bout attacking that global problem before you turn to stuff at which you’re even more clueless. I hear the State Department’s been hit with DDOS attacks for a fourth straight day by botnets made up of zombie machines running your software.

Solve the problems you created and stay away from weather and the oceans.

Scientific breakthrough!

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

Outer space has a smell! Not only that but it’s “a rather pleasant sweet metallic sensation.” (I didn’t read the article or even check where the link went – that would violate The Slashdot Way – but I’ll bet you an authentic Lincoln Three Dollar Bill that the article was written by a Brit.)

(UPDATE: I was wrong. This particular idiot was born in Oregon. He must have picked up the brain-rot in college. It’s common there. I suspect it’s even infectious judging by the way it spreads on every campus.)

Thank Holy St. Darwin of the Galapagos for Science! This is such a relief to me. For years I’ve feared that outer space had no scent and that the hippies might get there first. Too much of the earth already reeks of that wretched Patchouli.

I seem to recall that a few years ago some fellers went out there. Come to think of it, I believe a lot of people have been out there. Of course, now that I’m being forced to think about it, none of them would have known how nice “outer space” smelled because they were all wearin’ them durn space helmets so they could breathe and what not.

That’s an unfortunate complication.

I’m the one using the “blind faith” to understand the world, right?

Just doing a “sound” check, so to speak. I just want to make sure I still have my bearings after “science” has discovered that outer space smells pleasant. And metallic. (What does metal smell like again? Oh. Nevermind. I remember now. I just found it on a website selling candles, thankfully.)

As a parting thought I need to reveal to you that one does not equal one. It’s just really, really close. A very highly educated mathematician I know told me that he once proved that. So it must be true.

There really is no gray

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

Here’s something I just wanna throw out as food for thought.

Moral relativists often like to claim that “Life is not black and white. It’s just various shades of gray.”

It’s an interesting argument that I’ve sometimes espoused in the past and it’s almost singularly used to denigrate the idea that there are absolutes in this world – absolute right and wrong, mainly.

What I find interesting is that now that we’re in a “digital world,” we seem to be finding out that our best attempts to mimic the natural world can only be done with binary math.

The music you listen to on your iPod, the digital cable broadcast or HD satellite image you watch on your widescreen TV, the operation of every digital medical device, the video you watch on YouTube, the very words you’re reading right now… ALL digital representations of sight and sound.

Modern computer monitors, graphics cards and HD TVs are capable of representing BILLIONS of colors – more than the human eye can differentiate. Modern audio codecs can encode compressed audio that still has a frequency range greater than the human ear can hear.

Mankind’s science, with all of it’s learning and all of it’s arrogance has managed to re-create and reproduce (just) two of our five natural senses with near perfection. I’m not a skeptic that they can figure out how to do a couple of the remaining three soon. There have been promising efforts.

But it’s all digital. It likely will all be digital. “Digital” has come to be used in this age as a marketing term that is intended to imply “superior.” With good reason – it is almost always true that digital is superior. In many ways, it is the height of mankind’s discovery of how to recreate the world around him.

For those of you who aren’t geeks, let me clarify what “digital” means. It means that it is done with binary math. That is, bits and bytes. That is, ones and zeroes. Each bit is either on or it’s off. That’s how the computer that you’re using to read this, works. It all comes down to ones and zeroes. The chip in your computer – and every other microchip (currently) – only “understands” binary math.

On or off.

Black or white.

In all of our learning, we’ve managed to synthesize sound and sight (with motion) well only with microchips and binary math.

Black and white.

Now, the truly ambitious are speculating about the power we could harness with “DNA-based computing” – computers that use DNA as their base instead of binary. Many are excited about the possibilities. I’m not ruling out anything, but I’m not holding my breath either. I doubt they’ll pull it off any time soon. But even if they do, they’re still only discovering and imitating.

We live in a black and white world. Despite what anyone stretches their faith in science to believe, we are created in God’s image. That’s very different from being God. I find it fascinating that many of the same people that spout the “shades of gray” argument for many things, only have expertise in a binary world and don’t even see how ridiculous that makes the argument.

In the digital world, even shades of gray come down to whether the bit is set or not.