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Archive for November, 2015

Apparently, Apple — Steve Jobs

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

Apple died with Steve, October 5, 2011

Open letter to Tim Cook:

I was hopeful. I was patient.

I’ve been disappointed. Over and over again.

You were given a 5 year plan by the man. You promptly threw it in the trash because you know better, right? We’re only four years out and it seems like Steve has been gone for a decade. An iPad PRO?!?! That’s just like the Microsoft Surface Pro?

That’s all you got? FOLLOWING? MICROSOFT? I wish Bill Gates was turning over in his grave.

You and your butt-boy Jonny Ives show no intent to let up. You don’t care that you’re destroying everything Steve built. You’re perfectly happy to take hundreds of millions of dollars for yourselves while you destroy the most successful company mankind has ever known. Also destroying the best electronic products man has ever known, just to make Jonny and the homos happy with how pretty it is, HIG be damned!

Riding on coattails doesn’t even begin to describe it. The company WILL crash and burn. The only question is, ‘How soon?’ No concern of yours, natch. You’re changing the world, too. Just like Steve.

Hey Jonny: Flat design in a UI is WRONG! WRONG! You’re WRONG! It’s not only ugly, It’s MUCH HARDER TO USE! User interface isn’t about what makes your nether parts tingle with pretty, you stupid fuck. Your personal arrogance has made my day-to-day life more difficult. But as long as YOU think it’s pretty, that’s alright with you, right? “Fuck all the decades of research about how humans interact with stuff. I’m pretty and what I make is pretty and don’t we all like (my limited, personal definition of what is) pretty? Haterz gonna hate!” (RT, gf. That’s rich!)

You’re pissing on what Steve built.

You’ve taken me from an Apple evangelist, to “maybe they’ll wise up and correct it,” to “Fuck Apple. They’re ignorant and don’t give a shit about good products because they’re rich now and obsessed with special ‘rights’ for homosexuals.”

I don’t think you assholes running Apple now realize that you’re a minority of a minority or that NOBODY buying your products gives a rat’s ass about Jonny’s “design.” He’s not a software guy and it’s obvious to everyone but you, Tim. Bring Scott back. He understood and respected the HIG.

My 70 year old mother was a hard sell in the old days. But then she loved and trusted Apple products for years and spent THOUSANDS of precious dollars on Apple stuff. She recently gave into Apple nagging and “upgraded” her two year old iPad mini to iOS9.

(Note to Apple: iOS9 is worse than iOS8 and no one can function with your crappy OS without buying a new iOS device. Did you already know that? You’re not making friends.)

She’s now emailing me for advice because it’s unusable and implying that she won’t replace it at all. She’s completely disillusioned. Congratulations! You just lost a valuable customer forever. But you don’t care as long as the broke milennials still love you. Those entitled little fucks get their iOS devices replaced by their parents every two years. Fuck the old people with money! Not our target market! They’ll be dead soon!

Besides, it’s pretty, right?!?!

Jonny’s design is awful, ugly and stupid. But far worse than that, it’s made your devices indistinguishable from Microsoft and your other competitors.

Everything is flat, ugly and hard to use. Microsoft Surface, check. Google’s Android, check. Apple’s iOS, check.

Tell me again, Tim, why I should pay a premium for your device when you broke my iPad with iOS8, lied and failed to fix it with iOS9 and I can get an Android tablet running “Marshmallow” for about $69.

You’re losing, Tim. If you wanna just ride the stock market on iTunes store sales, go right ahead. I used to love Apple for superior hardware and evangelize because of superior software. I know Guy Kawasaki. I was an early subscriber to his “Evanglista” email list. I got my first Apple (IIc) in 1984 and my first Mac in 1996 – as soon as I could “afford it” on my sister’s MicroCenter credit card. Yes, I gladly went into debt for a Mac at the height of the “Apple is dying,” Gil Amelio era, in the hey-day of MacOS 7.1!

Now I’m thinking about replacing my iPhone with an Android phone and my iPad with an Android tablet. I’ll pour a little on the ground for my fallen homie, Steve. It’s unfortunately obvious that he’s not coming back to save Apple a second time.

I’ll never forget what he did to build the company, save the company and change the world. Or how quickly you forgot and ruined everything. Completely.