Digital Cowboy

Digital Cowboy
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Archive for December, 2008

Ho-Ho-Ho, Now!

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

Fuck it. It’s Christmas or something spelled that way. I fixed it. I have powers.

Damn I’m clever!

I also have a very, very pretty and very, very valuable watch. It’s a Christmas gift so I really wanna keep it private… Because I don’t do Christmas. But it’s Swiss, mechanical and solid two-tone ionic-black and stainless. (That’s just the private part.)

It’s also a chronograph with a black mother of pearl face. (Don’t tell anyone I divulged the public part.)

Besides that… Do you think that the gifts will get even MORE expensive the more offended I become and the more “Christmas” facts I drop?

I think I’m on to something.

Dude, you gotta see this watch my Mom got me! It’s a 22 jewel movement and the back is, like totally transparent so you can count, like, some of the jewels and see gears moving and stuff. It must be expensive.

And Joseph was a rich man because he was already a successful carpenter. That’s WHY he was going TO PAY TAXES. Poor people weren’t packing the hotels the night our savior was born, stupid. The town was full. No room at the inn. What’s the crowd? Poor people don’t owe taxes. (Just ask your “middle class” neighbor. He’ll say, “I didn’t owe, this year! I got a REFUND, ESSE!”)

Because the government made all the people come to town on the same night. What did they think would happen? That’s what government does – collect taxes with force and create problems doing it.

That’s the lesson of Christmas. Without government complicating things there would always be room for the least among us. Even wealthy carpenters that are foolish enough to marry a pregnant virgin and pay her way to travel with him so he could pay his taxes in the midst of his other troubles can find himself with no rooms at the Hilton.

Should a savior be born in a stable?

Here’s a better question:

Should we allow our savior or his parents to be represented as “poor?”

Clearly, none of them ever were.

On Christmas and the culture war

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

I still observe Christmas out of loyalty to family. But I have a number of problems with it. I celebrate my Savior’s birth in September. That’s when he was born.

His name wasn’t, has never been and isn’t “Jesus” and he wasn’t born on December 25th. Christmas is a pagan holiday.

There weren’t three wise men at the manger. We don’t know how many there were and they certainly weren’t carrying hand-held boxes of gifts. They arrived at least a year later and brought a wagon train of gifts worth about $400 million.

Christmas is an invention of pagan religions, the Catholic church and, most recently, Coca-Cola and Macy’s. In that order.

When you begin to complain that Christmas has been commercialized, you need to understand that commerce is the only reason your understanding of it even exists. Santa Claus was invented by American marketing people to get your money.

Even before the Constitution and before the founding of this great nation, celebrating Christmas was illegal among your ancestors in this land. (Unless you’re an American Indian.) It was outlawed by Christians and for good reason. Give that some thought and some research. Then ask yourself why Christmas and Santa Claus are so important to you.

Christmas is idolatry.

If you place great value on your personal relationship with a personal savior, you should shun Christmas. I seriously doubt that he holds it against you – he’s merciful and gracious – but it’s a matter of respect. Just like knowing his name and using it properly, which is the second commandment, goddammit! Learn his name and what he was talking about.

It matters. Psalm 91 makes that clear (if you’re too lazy to find all the many reasons and the places they’re mentioned in scripture).

When I read the op-eds of all these silly religious people ranting about the “War on Christmas” I laugh. They’ve been sucked in and don’t even know it. They’re trying to take back something that never belonged to them. You can’t “put the Christ back in Christmas” because Christ has never, ever been there beyond the linguistics. It has nothing to do with “Christ” and it never did. Ever.

When atheists post signs next to nativity scenes about the “winter solstice” you “Christians” should acquiesce and apologize. So-called “Christians” stole this holiday from pagans who worship trees and nature just like they stole Easter from pagans that worship fertility gods.

There is nothing significant about December 25 except the Winter Solstice. Which, by the way, also isn’t actually December 25th.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, December 13th, 2008

“I know … what it means to … have every part of you public. And … Now I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I don’t want that anymore. I’ve experienced it and now I understand what it means to give myself to only him.”

Take a wild guess who it is. Make sure you take notice of the lack of capitalization on “him.” I wouldn’t want anyone to misunderstand and be embarrassed by a guess. In fact, let’s take guesses on who “him” is also. Get one and you’re bound to get the other.

I have to add:

“When it comes, when it comes to Catholicism, I really, I believe that… that it’s all relative. Y’know. I think that a lot of people, like, y’know, believe in, in, in, this, to, to make… y’know, to conform, to put fear in people.

But I love having faith and I love the thought of heaven and I love the thought of, of doing what’s right and I love the thought of being forgived (sic) of my sins. I love that. I love the idea of that.”

That might make it a bit easier.