Digital Cowboy

My love life didn’t turn out the way I planned it. Not yet, anyway. But it hasn’t changed my romantic view of life. Maybe that’s why so many people in my life seem to get so frustrated with me.

The Red Rocker once said:

How do I know when it’s love?
I don’t know, but it lasts forever.
How does it feel when it’s love?
It’s just something you feel together.

…

When it’s love,
Nothing’s missing.

There’s a lot of wisdom in Sammy’s searching. He’s a little confused, in general, but he’s very, very honest and he seems to sorta, kinda know what he’s looking for. (It’s interesting to note that the last line of that lyric is the best English definition of the Hebrew word “shalom” which is translated most often in the King James Bible as “peace.”)

There’s nothing missing in my life. I’ve got it all. It’s not really organized exactly the way I would like it right now, but it’s all here. That “romance” part of my life is just a matter of patience and rearranging now.

I was fortunate. I found Her. Too many people make do with what’s convenient or readily available. I was never willing to settle so I never did. She’s flawed but we all are. She’s perfect for me and perfect TO me. Isn’t that what really matters?

I judge no one else by my experience. I really, truly, honestly, cross-my-heart, just don’t. But at the same time….

How do you know when it’s love?

It lasts forever.

I’m aware that it’s possible that I’ll never hold Her again until everyone else that wants her drops dead of old age and I’m all that’s left. That’s OK by me if that’s how it has to be. It gives me a goal: I just have to outlive them all.

And that’s worst case. I’m not resigned to that.

(I know it’s early but consider this my Valentine’s Day post. I’m not going near this topic again until well after February 14.)

The morning show I have on in the background while I work just had a “Quote of the Day.” They didn’t credit it, so I won’t either; I don’t have time to do research right now. But the quote was this:

“Not a shred of evidence exists to support the idea that life is serious.”

That was timely for me. It’s a sentiment that I not only agree with but also generally follow. Right now I’m in the middle of a minor crisis with a client’s server (thus his quite successful web-based business) and simultaneously facing a hard deadline on another project. I’ve been working all night. For that matter, I’ve been working every waking moment for days. I was stressed and feeling overwhelmed.

Hearing that quote in the background “brought me to” as my grandfather used to say. (He used to say, “Snap to!” or “Come to!” It meant, “Attention!” or “Look here now!”)

Years ago, when I was working in “operations” (that’s a stupid name for mainframe computer processing) for a few divisions of The Limited I used to get stressed. It was often a very high pressure environment and was all about schedule. It was time pressure applied to computer processing. I was making $10.25 an hour… when I left that job.

One night when things went wrong, a supervisor under stress barked at me and I replied, “Relax. It’s FASHION. The company’s selling overpriced, trendy clothes. No one’s life is on the line here.”

I got a blank stare. So I said, “What’s the worst possible thing that could happen?”

His answer? “The worst thing?!? You and I could both lose our jobs!”

“For failing to get daily financial reports delivered by 7:00 a.m.?” I foolishly answered.

“Yes! I need this job! My life’s on the line! Get it done.”

I mentally exited that job that very day, though I continued to show up for a few months after that. I vowed that I would never work in that kind of environment again. But now I’m self-employed and I do the same thing to myself far too frequently. I’m under imaginary pressure. It’s all in my head. I do it to myself.

It’s ridiculous and there’s not a shred of evidence that life is serious.

Take a break. Have a laugh. Remind yourself why you work. It’s probably not for approval. It’s a means to an end.

Don’t ignore the end because you get caught up in the means.