Digital Cowboy

The Kitty done went and tagged me. I’ve never been tagged before and I was quite happy about it. Not being tagged, that is. I was happy about that. But this is PK and she’s my fat bird toy. Outside of my daughters, I don’t think there’s anything I love more than to hear PK laugh. That’s probably why she “tagged” me. So I’ll do this for her.

What Were You Doing 10 Years Ago?

Partying like a wild man while trying to figure out why I was unhappy. What I wanted was a wife and kids. I never saw any of any of them in the places I was partying. (That was no typo when I wrote “any of any of them.” Read it it again if you didn’t get it.) So shortly after that, I left my party scene (where I was King) and moved to a place where I knew no one, to start over.

Of course, I could take the cheap, easy way out and say: Starting the first of many personal web projects that I would never finish. (If you click that link, keep in mind that it was TEN years ago when the web was new and I was stupid.)

What Were You Doing 1 Year Ago?

Trying to figure out how to be a full time Dad, a home educator and still make a living. I was also trying to figure out how the woman that I married (in part) because I was convinced she would be a great mother for my children, had voluntarily surrendered our daughters to me and replaced them with a dachshund. What? Huh? Next question.

Five Snacks You Enjoy

I worked at the Frito-Lay headquarters for 5 years so I’m burnt out on just about all of their crap. (Especially their HR department.) Anything spicy… lessee…

• Tijuana Mama/Bahama Mama/Firecracker – any hot, pickled sausage (Save the jokes. I’ve heard ‘em.)
• Tostitos (or Fritos) Scoops (exceptions that prove the Frito-Lay rule) with cottage cheese or my own con queso (Extra Hot Rotel and Velveeta and other things that are secret.)
• Spanish peanuts
• Salted peanuts in the shell. Eat it ALL, baby. The shell is the best part!
• Beef jerky. Love it but can’t afford it, usually.

Five Songs To Which You Know All The Lyrics

Dear Lord help me. (That’s not taking the Lord’s name in vain; it’s a prayer.) Where to start. I have an entire “Lyrics” category here. Most of the posts in it have been typed from memory. I have to narrow it down to FIVE?!?!

Look, there are close to nine hundred songs on my iPod and I would conservatively estimate that I know all the lyrics to about 60% of them. That’s a subset of my iTunes library which is currently at… lemme check…. over 2500. I listen to music in large part for lyrics. I could not begin to answer this question. Pick one.

Too slow. Here’s one (just to make Jamie’s crazy case): “Back Before You Sucked (The Industrial Love Song)” by Cooder Graw.

Five Things You Would Do If You Were A Millionaire

• Reverse tithe (10% for me, the rest is God’s. That is my dream and my ultimate goal.)
• Build my dream home on at least a hundred acres.
• Hire a full time nanny (so that I can concentrate on what I do best: Being daddy and making money)
• Play in the melee that is the WSOP. (I don’t care about the main event. Gimme the rest of the WSOP and the cash games.)
• Attend at least one third of the NASCAR races each season. I’ve been to a few and there are so many more that I want to see live.

Five Bad Habits

• Lucky Strikes
• Cheap Bourbon Whiskey (and pearl snap shirts)
• Procrastinating
• Midget porn
• With balloons

Five Things You Like Doing

• Yeah.
• That, too.
• And that. (Driving fast cars and motocross are both close.)
• Firing high powered guns.
• Playng poker.

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again

This one is hard, because no matter how much you might laugh, I love the fashion of the eighties. I’m not embarrassed about my parachute pants. I even miss the ones that unzipped down the side for no other reason than to expose another color. Zippers and color. How can you not like that? They certainly accented the windmill when you had to break a move. I would wear them again without hesitation if they ever came back into style. Hell, I’d wear ‘em now if I could find ‘em, just to see y’all laughin’. I might even do a windmill for ya.

• Plaid pants (my mother did it to me before I was old enough to protest)
• A faux denim, faux cowboy hat (my father let me do it when I was about 6 and I’ll never forgive him for that!)
• Narrow, faux silk tie with piano keys or Japanese writing
• Narrow, leather ties (What a collection I had! Every color that cows come in. And then some.)
• Polo (the cologne)

(I was gonna say an underwire bra, but Katherine Coble stole my answer before I even got the question!)

Five Favorite Toys

• The fat bird toy has to be first!
• iPod
• PVR (It truly changed the way I watch TV.)
• Poker chips (I have to play with something in my hand while I watch poker and real poker chips are better than the alternative.)
• Guns (I have many and I couldn’t possibly pick just one, lest the others pout. I love my babies.)

Five people who will not likely do this but you are tagging them anyway

• Difster, Arielle, Heidi, my love…, Vox and Jamie