Digital Cowboy

I hate February 14th. I always have, except for a couple years a few years ago. Lucky at cards, unlucky in love. That’s fine with me. Play poker well and it will support you. Love will cost you. I prefer the one that pays me.

On the other hand, I’ve always loved romance and only got it right once. Even then, it was short-lived. When I was dating my wife, this was one of “our songs.” I give you now, the Valentine’s Day lyrics because if I don’t, I might shoot somebody:

I never cared much for moonlit skies,
Never winked back at fireflies,
But now that the stars are in your eyes
I’m beginning to see the light.

I never went in for afterglow,
Or candlelight on the mistletoe,
But now when you turn the lamp down low
I’m beginning to see the light.

I used to ramble through the park
Shadow boxing in the dark
Then you came and caused the spark
That’s a four-alarm fire, now.

I never made love by lantern shine,
I never saw rainbows in my wine,
But now that your lips are burning mine
I’m beginning to see the light.

The same CD has the song “You and Me and the Bottle Makes Three.” Coincidence? I doubt it:

Hey Chad…I know what you’re thinking.
That now’s as good as any to start drinking.
Hey Scotty…Yeah…What’s it gonna be?
A gin & tonic sounds might, mighty good to me.

Man I know I gotta go,
It’s the same thing every night.
But I don’t think another drink’s gonna make me lose my mind.
So I think about my next drink.
And it’s you & me and the bottle makes three tonight.

Well I know this cat named Mo.
He wanders to and fro.
At his and my favorite waterin’ hole,
I said “Hey Mo, How you doing, how have you been?”
He said, “I’ve been fine with my whiskey, wine and gin.”

Man I know I gotta go,
It’s the same thing every night.
But I don’t think another drink’s gonna make me lose my mind.
So I think about my next drink.
And it’s you & me and the bottle makes three tonight.

(Hey bartender I need another drink! Whaddya mean it’s ‘last call’?!?! I just got heeere!)

But here’s THE Valentine song (again from the same CD):

I like cake, no mistake,
But baby if you insist
I’ll cut out the cake.
Just for your sake
Baby! C’mon and knock me a kiss.

I like pie, I hope to die.
Just get a load of this:
When you get high,
Doggone the pie
Baby! C’mon and knock me a kiss

When you pressed your sweet, red lips to mine,
It was then I understood. Oh, Babe.
They taste like candy, brandy and wine,
peaches, bananas and everything good.

I love jam and no flim flam,
Scratch that off my list.
This ain’t no jam, the jam can scram.
Baby! C’mon and knock me a kiss.

When you pressed your sweet, red lips to mine,
It was then I understood. Oh, Babe.
They taste like candy, brandy and wine,
peaches, bananas and everything good.

I like cars and big cigars,
But baby they won’t be missed.
If everyday I hear you say,
Baby! C’mon and knock me a kiss.

Ahh, sweet romance. It’s so wonderful. If only it was real.

Double valentine’s cookies if anyone can name any of those songs or the artists that recorded them. Bonus cookies if you can name the CD. (They’re all on the same soundtrack.) No one who knew me before I moved to Texas is eligible. That would be cheating.

And, btw, I’m not bitter. I’m in love.

I don’t even remember who it was now, but a wise and godly man once said, “If you treat people as what they are, that’s all they will ever be. If you treat them as if they are already what they can be, that’s what they’ll become. That’s how God lives.”

He was referring to the scripture in Romans that says that God “calls those things that be not as though they were.” It’s true. A conversation elsewhere got me thinking about this again recently. If you’re at all self-aware, you’re more than aware that you don’t deserve God’s love. It can be overwhelming if you fail to realize that He doesn’t love who you are, because that’s not what He sees when He looks at you. He sees what you can be.

He lives by faith in a world that operates by faith. When He looks at you He sees you through faith and also through the shed blood of Jesus. He doesn’t see all of your flaws and faults. He’s aware of them, but that’s not what He sees when He looks at you. He sees a redeemed, perfected, overcoming child of the King. He sees you as what you can be, not what you are.

As I said in the other conversation, I’ve often said to God, “I’m so glad that you love me. But I don’t know why. I’m such a complete and utter screw-up.” He replies with a chuckle, “You think I just found out? I knew you were a screw-up when I chose you. But I see things you cannot yet. I call those things that be not as though they were. Just wait until you see where we’re going together!”

Phillippians 1:6:

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

As a side note, if you’ve never “heard” God laugh, it’s well worth working towards reaching that level of relationship with Him. I’ve never experienced anything so comforting and peaceful in my life as God’s laughter. If you think I’m completely nuts, fine. Think what you like. I’ll just keep laughing with God and you do whatever it is you do..

So what?

It’ll be big fun and a big joke for a long time. Jon Stewart already came in his pants. I think the headline should be, “Dick Cheney shoots the wrong one.”

The “news” is reporting that the 78 year old victim is already sitting up and making jokes. I can’t help but think that before the jokes he said something like, “Not me, ya dumb bastard! Him! THAT one! The one that was pointing his gun backwards and wondering why he couldn’t find the trigger! THE ONE NAMED BUSH! HOW THICK ARE YOU?!?!”

Go read this.

If you don’t do it, you won’t see what I mean. If you did, then… well.. see what I mean?

She made me cry and that’s inexcusable.

Clonie Gowen is a rising star in the poker world and one of the top female players. She’s also, coincidentally, pretty hot. In a pre-poker life she was Miss Oklahoma. She’s been on TV quite a bit lately. She got started playing poker in the casinos in Shreveport, LA while living in Dallas. She now lives about a half hour from me, in Sachse, TX.

I get emails from various Dallas card rooms to let me know what’s going on in the local poker world. I got one Thursday from “Aces” to inform me that Clonie would be playing there Thursday night. It included a link to Clonie’s website. I clicked the link to see what she’s up to.

While I was at her site, my kids came in.

“Daddy, who’s that?”

“Clonie Gowen. She’s a professional poker player.”

“She’s pretty.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Do you know her?” (What I didn’t say: “In the biblical sense, sweetheart?”)

“No, dear. I don’t. But she lives pretty close to us. I just got an email from a card room in Dallas telling me that she’s going to be there tonight. If I had some money and a babysitter, I could go play poker with her tonight.”

“You should go play with her, Daddy!” (Not said: “Oh, how I would love to go play with her.”)

“I just told you I don’t have money or a babysitter.” (Oldest runs off.)

“We could stay with Alton and … and …” (oldest returns at a full gallop with her purse)

“Here’s some money, Daddy. You can have my money to play with her.” (handing me a fist full of change totaling about seventy cents.)

“Thank you, sweetheart. That’s very nice of you, but it would take a lot more money than that and we still don’t have a babysitter.”

“Call Miss Miriam!” (That’s our old daycare provider who doesn’t do any “after hours” babysitting.)

“Honey, she doesn’t take care of kids at night. Why are you so determined to get me to go?”

(The kids tag-teaming.) “Because she’s really pretty.” “Yeah. I bet she’d be a really good mommy.” “Yeah! I’d really like to have a poker mommy.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

So. Clonie, you’ve been paged. We need a “poker mommy” in Celina. Email me for phone numbers and directions.