Digital Cowboy

Windriver95 is one of the names used by the adulterous Brit sleeping with my wife. He hates God and me and himself. Apparently, Valentine’s didn’t go so well for him. So he’s trolling around here looking for someone to blame since he’s never taken responsibility for anything in his life.

But I’m tired of this crap. Every two or three months, he pokes me in the chest. The last time he did it, I spent days deleting troll comments from this blog. Like every other time, I smacked him down in humiliating fashion.

Hey, David. The kids and I have moved on. I don’t envy you and the wreckage you’re dealing with. Stupid is as stupid does. (And by the way, it’s taken me weeks to teach them that we don’t “hate” anybody. Because they sure do hate you! Ain’t it funny that I find myself in the position of defending you! “There’s much to dislike about David, dear, but we don’t hate.”)

She’s about to move on also. Are you ready?

Are you ever going to leave me alone? Or do I need to throw you a beatin’?

You’re pathetic. Sleeping with my wife and still can’t let me go. (Is that because you’re not gettin’ any, anymore?) Is it that picture you saw of me having sex with her that enticed you? I never gave her permission to post that, by the way. My penis is bigger than yours, but I’ve never traded on that.

Tell me. What motivates you? Are you just using her to try to get to me because in your masochistic, homosexual fantasies you love the way I punish and humiliate you? Put on your black leather “Daddy’s Boy” hat and wait patiently for me. I know you feel threatened by me. Now I’m just wondering if you enjoy it. In case you didn’t know, I’m not your daddy.

Do you want me or is it that you’re completely intimidated by the fact that you not only can’t please her, but can’t even come as close as I did?

*wanders off singin’* “If it’s her you want, I don’t care about that. You can have my girl but don’t touch my hat.”

This was just a warning. It stops here or you’ll be sorry. Three and a half years is far enough. Now you’re pushing too much. Mind your own business. Trying to figure out how to pay your rent and car payment should keep you busy enough to stay away from me. If it doesn’t, spend the extra time to see if you can find some gas money or explain to my wife why you’re driving a completely ridiculous thirty thousand dollar car and, even though I gave her one, she has NONE, you stupid, selfish bastard.

I got everything of value from that relationship except her. And I’m not done yet.

Oh wait. That’s what scares you and why you’re so hateful, isn’t it?

Look at the bright side. Your car almost sounds cool when you press the gas pedal.

It’s late at night,
And neither one of us is sleeping.
I can’t imagine living my life
After you’re gone.

Wondering why,
So many questions have no answers.
I keep on searching for the reason
Why we went wrong.

Where is our yesterday?
You and I could use it
Right now.
But if this is goodbye…

Just take my heart when you go.
I don’t have a need for it anymore.
I’ll always love you,
But you’re too hard to hold.
So just take my heart when you go.

I’d give my everything,
If only I could turn you around.
But… if this is goodbye….

Just take my heart when you go.
I don’t have a need for it anymore.
I’ll always love you,
But you’re too hard to hold.
So just take my heart when you go.

They were too late and thus, were overlooked. The greatest of all the 80′s glam metal bands was Mr. Big. Unfortunately, they formed just in time for the vile grunge takeover. Have I ever told you that I’m glad Kurt Cobain is dead? I’m even happier in light of how it happened. He was a talentless hack that was too weak to continue living but strong enough to put a shotgun in his mouth. Good for him. Good for us all. Good riddance.

But I digress.

Mr. Big also apparently had many internal squabbles. That’s not surprising. You take geniuses like Billy Sheehan and Paul Gilbert and put them together…. It can never work for long. But, oh baby! When it did work, it worked so well. As that video clearly shows.

Billy Sheehan plays a bass better than most guitarists play lead.

Eric Martin was a good voice and Pat Torpey is an amazingly gifted drummer.

Thus we have things like “Colorado Bulldog.” Lead guitar, bass guitar and double bass drum all synchronized doing 32nd notes.

Did you catch the part where I said “synchronized?” And thirty-second notes? No matter. You won’t get it until you listen to it. What they done went and did there is unpossible.

UPDATE: Here’s another. More Billy Sheehan and Paul Gilbert goodness. (I just bought that one. A long time ago, I had it on cassette. But I don’t know where it is. Thank God and Steve for the iTunes Music Store!)

Go ahead and try to tell me that’s not the greatest rock and roll you ever heard. I dare ya. Elvis would come listening to Billy Sheehan play a bass or Paul Gilbert shredding on lead guitar. And the Beatles just sucked all the way around. Most overrated. Ever.

I’ve been a Willie Nelson fan for a long time. Can’t hardly call yourself a Texan if you’re not. But obviously the wacky tobaccy’s finally taken it’s toll. The old boy’s lost it and gone senile, folks.

Nelson Releases Homage to Gay Cowboys

(Drudge was chock full of depression this morning.)

Now that I’ve lost everything to you,
You say you want to start something new.
And it’s breaking my heart you’re leaving.
Baby, I’m grieving.

But if you want to leave,
Take good care.
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Oooh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world,
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile.
Oooh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world.
And I always remember you like a child, girl.

You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do,
And it’s breaking my heart in two.
‘Cause I never want to see you sad, girl.
Don’t be a bad girl.

But if you want to leave,
Take good care.
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there.
But just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware.