Digital Cowboy

heidi says:

No worries. If I occasionally flinch for no reason at least you’ll know why. Ok, maybe that’s not funny. Anyway. My dad was a proud UPC missionary/pastor for years until he failed to adequately toe the line and was booted. Religion bites. I’m just glad I finally found Christ. Without the help of Holiness Standards, *gasp* speaking in tongues OR being baptized in Jesus Name ONLY. Whatever. It would be interesting to hear your UPC stories.

Actually, heidi, I think it is funny. Don’t ever flinch because you’re afraid of a verbal spanking from me. I am the lord of this tiny little website that gets about 10 hits a day, and I will textually spank you if you cross me, but then – how much does that really hurt? The God that I serve has a great sense of humor and so do I most of the time. There have to be lines that are not crossed in joking, but mine are pretty few and loose. You’re not crossing them.

I’m an equal opportunity offender when it comes to religion. The UPC is no better (and sometimes worse) than the Methodists, Catholics, Baptists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, etc. Though Jesus spoke much about it, the word “religion” is only mentioned in five places, that I know of, in the Bible. In three of those five places, it’s mentioned in a very negative connotation. The other two are consecutive verses in James. (I’ve never really studied the usage of the word, but I have a suspicion that it might be mistranslated in James. Even if I’m wrong about that, he was clearly trying to tell us what religion should be.) We can argue over the “pure” meaning of the word but James made it pretty clear in 1:26-27.

When I speak of religion, I’m speaking of any man-made denomination or doctrine. If your religion votes on anything more significant than the color of the carpet in the new building, it’s corrupt. There is absolutely no example anywhere in the Bible of God moving through a committee, a team, a group…. From Genesis 1 with Adam and later Noah, on through Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, then Moses and the old testament prophets and on into the New Testament, you never find God advising, recommending or condoning a committee, a group or a team to run anything. If God wanted us to vote on what He wants, don’tcha think He would’ve mentioned that somewhere in the 66 books He gave us?

He knows what He wants and if you don’t, calling a meeting and voting won’t get you closer.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that there’s one man on earth now that is running the show for God. What I’m saying is that the only organizational structure you can find anywhere in the Bible has a single man at the top that’s in communication with God. (On a side note, this is reminding me that I need to get back to working on the “testing spirits” question that Res asked. What I’m trying to get at here points out the importance of testing spirits.)

Getting back to the topic (I accomplish that sometimes), the UPC is just like the other religions – mostly it’s good people getting distracted. I was always amazed when the pastor of the UPC church where I preached a few times would stand in the pulpit and tell the women they couldn’t wear makeup or jewelry because that was “vanity” or “decorating their flesh.” He would say it with a straight face while wearing a $20,000 watch (that’s not jewelry or decoration, you understand, because it’s functional – it’s a utility. I guess the Corvette he talked the church board into buying him was too) and I once heard him bragging (in semi-private) that he only wore clothes from [X brand store] which meant that his tie cost over a hundred dollars.

I’m not implying he’s representative. But I will tell you that he was the pastor of the largest UPC church in one of the largest yankee states for a number of years. Now he’s selling insurance (last I heard, a few years ago). He ran me out of that church (once actually sending one of the “elders” to threaten me with bodily harm if I didn’t leave the property when I came AFTER the service to meet some friends and go to dinner). Shortly after that he was fired when it came out that a married woman in the church was pregnant with his child and she was able to prove her story by producing motel receipts that he signed as well as the personal check that he wrote to pay for her abortion. Fortunately, she used it to prove his stupidity and guilt instead of using it to kill a child. His wife divorced him soon after. I found out much of what I just told you from his daughter a couple of years later. I ran into her in a bar not 10 miles from the church he pastored and she told me what a difficult time she was having kicking her coke habit. She was 22 at the time and she grew up in the UPC “church.”

Religion is like government. It attracts the worst and is never what it promises to be. God is good, all the time. Religion is satanic and a nasty, evil quagmire.

So, heidi, how’d I do with my first UPC story? I have more.

I owe an apology to Pink Kitty. I recently chastised her for misquoting Doc Holliday and Tombstone. It turns out I mangled it as bad as she did. I knew her quote wasn’t correct and as I was typing my comment to her, I had the feeling that I wasn’t either. So I checked and I was right with the sinking feeling and not the quote. Here then is the scene quoted correctly:

(Doc is dying and has just told Wyatt that he was in love once. It happened to be his first cousin and “she joined a convent over the affair.”)

Doc: “She was all I ever wanted. What’d you want Wyatt?”

Wyatt: “Just to live a normal life.”

Doc: “There’s no normal life, Wyatt. There’s just life. Now get on with it.”

Wyatt: “I don’t know how.”

Doc: “Sure ya do. Say goodbye to me. Go get that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that beauty and run. Don’t look back. Live every second. Live right up to the hilt. Live, Wyatt. Live for me.

“Wyatt, if you were ever my friend, if you ever had the slightest feeling for me, leave now… Please.”

There are so many lessons about life in that one little excerpt that I wouldn’t know where to begin. There’s stuff in there about love and friendship and pride and temptations and desire.

I watch that movie and see so much of myself (good and bad) in both Wyatt and Doc that I can’t decide which one I more relate to.

Kevin Jarre and George Cosmatos are just geniuses. In my not so humble opinion, there’s never been a better written screenplay and it was perfectly directed, too. The cast and their acting is superb, but that’s just icing. Actors are waiters in a cheap restaurant without writing and directing.

Here’s a Biblically sound life motto that you can take away from this: Take the beauty and run. Don’t ever look back. Live every second. Live to the hilt. Live for Me.

I’m not saying that Doc is God or even symbolically represents Him. I’m just sayin’ there’s a message there that is something God would say.

I’ve now connected both poker and Tombstone to the Bible. Any challenges for the next unlikely pairing with theology?

I’m aware that I’ve not updated this site much lately. I’ve been completely AWOL while dealing with life. In the meantime I won a half award and a third of another one. (In total, that’s .83333 awards. And that’s just this week!)

As near as I can tell, one was for being in love with Elena and the other was for being a jerk. That sounds about right.

Now I’m gonna go driving into a town where there’s presumably a warrant out for my arrest, so my ladies and I can get some dinner. I love a good adventure. When we get back, I’m going to start working on consuming beer sobering up so that I can be prepared to lead the Bible study I’m responsible for at my house tonight.

My neighbor next door tells me I’m a “complex man.” (I think he means that as a compliment.) The guy that inspired the weekly Bible study here says it’s the only place he knows that he can study the Bible while sitting out on the deck drinkin’ beer. (I think he means that as a compliment.) They’re likely both right. I’m just glad that my daughters love me and my Daddy understands.

My life sucks right now, but it’s still pretty sweet. It’s a beautiful day and I was just recently informed that we HAVE to buy “shampoo buddies” because they get rid of tangles in your hair.

To all y’all, I say, “Be patient. I’ll make up for the drought with a flood when the inspiration hits me.”

If you ever wonder why I’m an anarcho-capitalist or why I so loathe government, read this.

There’s not a sympathetic character in the whole story; bottom-feeders and perverted scum, all.

Don’t for one second tell yourself the lie that this is an isolated or rare situation. The very concept of government is perverted in theory and worse in practice. As a logical result, it attracts the very worst in society to its employ. It’s a negative cycle if there ever was one.

If you are a government employee that’s not a vile excuse for humanity, you are the exception that proves the rule. Respectable people work for a living providing something of value. Government’s not in that business. With the major exception of the military, there is no government job that deserves respect. If you collect a government paycheck that doesn’t come from military service, you’re a leech.

An acquaintance of mine (who wishes to remain anonymous) has begun a “blogathon” to help our friend Bane with the financial difficulties resulting from his son’s health difficulties.

Bane’s a good guy. He bitches a lot but he doesn’t complain, if you get my drift. It’s a good cause. Clickety-click and help him take care of stuff.